Sometimes when we are so focused on things that aren't going the way we planned we loose sight of the amazing things that are taking place right in front of our eyes. It's hard being a mother, it's harder being a mother to a child with special needs. Being afraid I will never see my daughters face light up when I come into a room, never see her clap, see her first steps or cry out the word "momma". But nothing pains my heart more then worrying that I will never witness the sisterhood that my daughters should be able to share.
I remember when I found out I was pregnant for the second time. Among many thoughts flying through my mind the main was how exciting it will be to have two babies so close in age I never had siblings (biological anyway) and I felt whole thinking of them growing and playing more then anything always having each other to depend on. How easy is this time going to be I remember thinking. This little one will learn to talk faster and walk faster because it'll have a big sister to learn from. All of those things quickly faded as time went on and things went wrong. All of the things that so many people take for granted we will never experience. I will never hear the sound of little girls giggles coming from the other room, never hear the pitter patter of two sets of feet running through the house, I will never get to heal Riya's broken heart because Ruby can do something she can't, I won't have to break up fights, worry about them being sneaky or not telling the full truth just to make sure their sister stays out of trouble. I will never be able to watch my daughters create memories that they will laugh about and share forever.
So many little things happen in life and we don't even notice nor do we realize how lucky we are to be blessed in such moments. We are always to worried about what's going to happen next or what we can do to make our lives better, always wanting more instead of taking a step back to breath in what we have and thank God. Thank him for all he has given us. Because we may not be exactly where we planned or where'd we'd like to be but we're here and in time things will come, or they may be happing right in front of you and if your to busy not being thankful they will pass you by. I guess what I am getting at is sometimes I can't help but to be consumed by all of the things that I will never get because of Riya's disability. Some days I barely move from the couch because I just sit there and think of how things would be if Riya was "normal". I fail to remember that most of these are selfish things. That Ruby only knows Riya for who she is and loves her probably even more so, we are still able to make memories. How lucky we are to have learned quickly to cherish every moment to not take any thing for granted including her disability. What blessed little girls, their hearts will always be filled with compassion, empathy and love because of their situation and that is far more valuable then some siblings teach in a lifetime.
